Roanapur Godfathers
by That Geek With The Clip-Ons
Summary: WARNING! This story contains adult situations including course language, violence, and some sexual themes. Viewer discretion is advised. Rock and Revy are having a relaxing day off at the Church of Violence, playing cards and drinking with "Sister" Eda, when they receive a most unusual package. Said package will turn out to cause them way more trouble then they ever expected...
1. Card Games

It was just another hot summer day in the port city of Roanapur. Located in Southeast Thailand, it was a modern-day version of the Old West, no real laws to speak of, other than your basic criminal codes. While there was local law enforcement, they weren't what you'd call big on enforcing the laws (if the price was right anyway). The two main powers of the city were factions of the Russian Mafia and the Chinese Triads, plus smaller factions, like the Colombian Cartel and La Cosa Nostra, who if they dared cross either would regret it.

Many called it home, whether they wanted to or not. Among those that called it home, were the Lagoon Company, a shipping business that often did work for the various criminal elements of the city. The team consisted of Dutch, a Vietnam War veteran who was captain of the Black Lagoon, a PT Boat. He was tall, muscular, African American, bald head, sporting a goatee, wearing military fatigues and round sunglasses so dark you couldn't see his eyes. Benny was the tech guy, liked to stay away from action as much as possible. He was tall, broad shouldered, in shape, had long blonde hair (usually in a ponytail), and wore thin lensed glasses and Hawaiian shirts. There were two other members as well.

"You're a fuckin' cheater!" a woman exclaimed, losing another hand.

She was Rebecca "Revy" Lee, known and feared by most as Two Hands, due to her proficiency with a pair of modified Beretta 92F's. She was Chinese American, with long, burgundy hair, amber brown eyes, a large tribal tattoo on her right forearm. Also her body was in crazy good shape, with curves as deadly as herself! She often wore daisy dukes, combat boots, and a small, black tank top exposing her midriff; it left very little to the imagination.

"Not my fault you're so easy to read," the winner quipped dryly, taking a drag of his cigarette.

He was the other, most recent member of the crew: Rokuro Okajima, better known in Roanapur as Rock. He was once a regular Japanese salaryman, working for a Asahi Industries in Tokyo. But, due to circumstances beyond his control, he ended up working with the Lagoon Company as basically their public relations liaison (as he spoke multiple languages and was far calmer than Revy). Even now, living in Roanapur, he stuck to wearing black slacks, black dress shoes, a white collared short sleeved dress shirt, and green neck tie.

"Romeo is sexy when he's talking sass at you, Two Hands," the third person at the table chuckled.

She was Edith Blackwater, known around the city as Eda. She was tall, slender, long blonde, hair, wearing sharp pink sunglasses, and also had a nice figure. Not that you could tell at the moment, given her current attire.

She is a "nun" for the Rip-Off Church, a (presumably) deconsecrated Catholic church atop a hill on the outskirts of town, which deals in weapons and drug smuggling. They deal with pretty much anyone in town who pays properly. Eda is in fact a CIA agent, stationed at the church as part of her division's assignment to keep international criminal activity in Southeast Asia in check. Few people in Roanapur are aware of her true identity, this includes Rock and Revy.

"Fuck off, Sister Skanky," exclaimed Revy, flipping Eda the middle finger. "And keep your STD riddled snatch away from my partner!"

While the two mostly got along (with some help from alcohol), they still had a very volatile relationship; exacerbated by the fact that Eda openly flirted with Rock. On this particular day, there were no jobs to do, so Rock and Revy paid a visit to drink, smoke, and play cards with Eda.

"Where'd you learn to play so well, Rock?" Eda asked.

"Simple really," he explained. "Lot of company get togethers at Asahi Industries, where I used to work. Get involved in enough card games and you learn to read people quickly. Plenty of drinking involved too."

One way Rock and Revy had bonded in the couple years he'd been in Roanapur, was several drinking competitions at the local bar, the Yellow Flag. Their main drink of choice was Bacardi, but they'd been known to mix it up with other hard alcohol on the menu.

"Any of your coworkers ever play strip poker?" Eda asked in a seductive manner, which clearly irritated Revy.

"Oh, um, no," Rock fumbled to answer, blushing slightly.

"Ya wanna give it a try?" she continued to goad. "Although, may not be such a great idea for me. Seeing as I may or may not be wearing anything under this habit."

Rock let out a very audible gulp. He didn't think he would ever do anything with Eda, but there was no denying the attraction.

"Jesus, will you shut the fuck up already, bitch," Revy chimed in, her teeth grinding down on the tip of her cigarette. "You're gonna blow Rocky Baby's little brain with that slut talk. Doubt he's ever even been to first base!"

"I'm not a virgin, Revy!" Rock shouted, he was starting to get a buzz from the drinking. "I've been with women before!"

"Jerkin' off to some skin mag or a porno tape doesn't count as bein' with a chick," chuckled Revy, making a "jerk off" motion while saying it.

"You know that's not what I fucking meant!" he shouted more, standing up from his chair. "I've had actual sex! Stuck my penis in a woman's vagina!"

"Penis and vagina!" Revy cackled. "Are you fuckin' twelve or some shit? So, tell us Rocky Baby, how many women's vaginas have you stuck your penis in?"

"Two," he said with no hesitation, though with slight embarrassment as he sat back down.

"You haven't been with anyone since you got here?" asked Eda.

"Course he fuckin' hasn't," Revy chimed in.

How the hell would you know?" asked Rock, not that she was wrong.

"Cuz you don't go anywhere," she retorted. "You're either workin' a job with yours truly here, or getting shit faced at the Yellow Flag. Again, with yours truly. When you're home alone, I bet you're flogging that dolphin so hard it's fuckin' endangered!"

"Fuck you, Revy!" he exclaimed.

"You fuckin' wish," she snapped back. "Bet you're thinking of various ways to tap this hot piece of ass when you're all alone in your shit hole of an apartment."

"Your place is hardly the fucking Plaza," he shot back. "And if I'm with you the whole time, I bet that means you're not getting any kind of action either!"

"She's probably rubbing a few out to you, Romeo," Eda chimed in.

"The fuck did you just say?" Revy exclaimed.

"What?" Eda asked nonchalantly. "No shame in it. He's a good looking man in his prime, built up some muscle too working for Dutch. Lord knows I've had some sleepless nights thinking about him." She then lowered her sunglasses slightly and gave Rock a wink, which made him blush brighter.

"How many times do I gotta tell you to cut that shit out!?" Revy barked. "You can't keep feeding the poor guy false hope!"

"I ain't offering false hope," Eda quipped back. "If he wants a piece of this, he can have it anytime he wants."

"You're so full of shit," chuckled Revy.

"Am I?" Eda asked rhetorically.

"You wouldn't fuckin' dare!" exclaimed Revy.

At this point the two were talking as if Rock wasn't even in the same room.

"What do you care?" Eda asked, again rhetorically. "He's not off the market, and I know the two of you ain't doing anything together. He's in his sexual prime. Why let it go to waste? Unless...you're looking to ride that wave yourself."

Revy shot up from her chair and whipped out one of her cutlasses, pointed it directly at Eda, and cocked the hammer.

"You best watch what you fuckin' say, you horny little penguin!" Revy exclaimed. Eda wasn't phased, blowing a bubble with her gum as she stared Revy down. Rock just sat there like a deer in headlights, ready to duck and cover if need be.

"Struck a nerve, did we?" Eda retorted.

There was suddenly a rapid series of knocks at the front door of the church. This managed to break the tension and calm Revy down, for the time being anyway.

"Who the fuck could that be?" Revy asked nobody, her grip relaxed on her cutlass now, cigarette dangling from her mouth.

"I'll go see who it is!" exclaimed Rock, running towards the door as fast as he could. He wanted to get away from this situation as fast as possible.

"What the fuck is his problem?" Revy asked with what seemed to be genuine confusion.

"Could have something to do with the trigger happy psycho bitch flailing a gun all over the place," Eda replied in a deadpan fashion. "Just a hunch really."

"Fuckin' smart ass bitch," Revy grumbled as she uncocked her cutlass, holstered it, sat back down at the table and took another swig of Bacardi.


	2. Special Delivery

Rock ran to the front doors of the Church of Violence, wanting to get away from Revy's possible outburst as fast as possible.

"How may we help you?" he said as soon as he opened the door. But nobody was there, although he thinks he saw a figure run off to the nearby woods. He looked around in confusion, before his attention was drown downward. "Holy shit."

Back inside the church, Revy and Eda were making houses of their cards, waiting for Rock to get back.

"Where the hell is that dumbass?" asked Revy.

She was already getting frustrated that she couldn't get her cards to stand properly.

"Fuck!" she exclaimed as they toppled again.

"I think we've gotten too shit faced to make these work," Eda commented.

"If you're already shit faced, you're a fuckin' lightweight," chuckled Revy.

"I don't have the luxury of getting into endless drinking contests," Eda quipped. "Your liver must be the size of a watermelon by now."

"Hardy fuckin' har," Revy snapped back.

Rock finally came back to where they were playing cards. He had a befuddled look on his face and was holding some kind of basket with a white blanket partially covering it.

"About time," griped Revy, who noticed the basket. "What the fuck is that? Goin' on a picnic?"

"Somebody left this in front of the church," Rock replied. "I didn't see who. They'd run off before I got a good look."

"What is it?" Eda asked.

Rock slowly lifted the blanket, Revy and Eda went wide eyed with shock.

"Holy shit!" they exclaimed in unison, mimicking Rock's reaction to first seeing it.

In the basket was a sleeping baby. Based on the size it appeared to be a newborn. Rock gently placed it on the table and the three looked in confusion.

"What the fuck?" Revy said, breaking the silence. "Doorstep babies are a real thing?"

"Is there anyone on Roanapur who thinks this place is that kind of church?" Rock asked.

"Only if they just got here," answered Eda. "And knew basically nothing about this place. But I've never seen or heard anything like this happening before."

"Nobody leaves a brat on a doorstep without some reason," said Revy. "There a note attached?"

"I didn't really look," replied Rock.

He carefully moved his hand around the baby, feeling got a note, when he did finally noticed an envelope. He gently pulled it out and checked the contents. Inside was a stack of cash along with a note.

"To whomever finds this," he began reading. "There are people out there looking to harm my child, and I am unable to keep him safe. His father is someone of great power and influence, but his birth was not planned. News of his birth has already begun to spread, and I know he will not be safe for long. My son has done nothing wrong, he does not deserve to be hunted like some animal. I know your church has the resources to find him a safe haven. My inevitable death will not matter as long as he is safe. Enclosed with this letter is $5000. I know it is not much, but I hope it is enough for you to find him a safe place to grow up and be a regular child. Please, do not let my son be killed."

Rock finished reading the letter and they were all quite shocked.

"Who's fuckin' kid do you think it is?" Revy asked nobody in particular.

"Seems damn near impossible to answer that," replied Eda. "Plenty of people in this town you could call powerful and influential. Bet most of them sleep around too. The note definitely implies this kid isn't legitimate."

"So fuckin' what? I doubt this brat is the only bastard running around here related to a crime boss," Revy pointed out. "Why should this one be any different?"

"Then that must make the father even more powerful than the average criminal in Roanapur," Rock answered.

"Maybe someone with political influence," said Eda.

"Well that sure narrows it down," Revy replied with very obvious sarcasm. "Not like a politician is any different from the common criminal. They just dress slightly better."

The baby suddenly woke up and began crying.

"What the fuck do we do!?" exclaimed Revy.

"Somebody needs to hold it," said Eda.

"No fuckin' way I'm doin' it!" Revy protested. "Rock should, he found it!"

Rock sighed, rolled his eyes at Revy, and gently picked the baby up. This calmed it down slightly, but it was still crying.

"He's probably hungry," Rock pointed out. "Eda, does this place have any milk by chance?"

"Probably," she answered.

"Yeah, but what about a bottle?" Revy retorted. "I doubt this place keeps them handy just in case! And if any one of us were to go out and get one, there's no fuckin' way we wouldn't get found out!"

"Then we'll have to improvise," answered Rock. "Find some kind of eye dropper or turkey baster, or something we can use to help this baby drink it easily."

Eda managed to find a turkey baster that they filled with some milk. Rock took the baby in his arms and gave him the milk, which he drank rapidly.

"How do you know how to do that?" asked Revy.

"It's not rocket science," replied Rock.

"The little brat was really hungry," said Revy.

"Who knows when he last ate," Eda pointed out. "Plus, there's not much for them to do at this age."

"How old do you think he is?" Revy asked.

"Maybe a month old," answered Rock. "Can't imagine his mother was able to hide him for long."

"Think anyone knows he's here?" Revy asked.

"Hard to say yet," replied Eda. "But, given how worried she was for his life, and her willingness to bring him here of all places, tells me we need to be cautious."

"The note said the Church had resources to find him a safe place," Revy pointed out. "How exactly? You guys deal in human trafficking?"

"Of course not," replied Eda. "But we probably are the best smugglers in this shit hole of a city. And we got plenty of contacts."

"'Meaning you know people that do that human trafficking shit," Revy pointed out with clear anger in her voice.

"Relax, Two Hands," said Eda defensively. "I ain't gonna give the kid to someone who'd be willing to put him into slavery or some other fucked up stuff. I know plenty of people who can give him a legit safe home. Plus, that five grand she stuffed in the basket will be a good insensitive to whomever we ask to get him the hell out of here."

"Shit, I was hoping we'd get to keep that," groaned Revy.

"Not a chance," said Eda. "In fact, we might even have to add some extra to that."

"What!? Fuck that!" exclaimed Revy.

"Don't worry about that Revy," replied Rock, keeping his attention on the baby. "I've got plenty of extra cash stored away just in case."

"How the hell did you manage that?" she asked.

"I don't exactly live in the lap of luxury," he put it bluntly. "My rent is extremely low, I don't have much of a wardrobe, and I don't carry a gun, meaning no spending on ammo, and I eat cheap food. The most I tend to spend on is cigarettes and alcohol."

"I guess that's a fair point," she admitted.

Once Rock was done feeding the baby, he gave him gentle pats on the back to get him to burp. It didn't take long for him to fall back to sleep.

Revy spent an extended period of time watching the baby sleep. She wasn't going to admit it out loud, but she did think he was cute.

"So, now what do we do?" asked Revy. "How long do we gotta look after the little brat?"

"Hard to say," replied Rock. "Depends on who we can get ahold of someone to find a safe place for him."

"You two can go back to the Lagoon Company if you want," said Eda.

"Um, maybe we can call Dutch," she fumbled to say. "Tell him that you gave me and Rock a job."

"Getting attached to the little guy already, Two Hands?" Eda quipped.

"Course I'm fuckin' not!" Revy exclaimed, though she tried not to be too loud. "It's just...Rock seems to know how to handle the thing. So you could use his help. And god knows he won't last long if anyone comes around lookin' to shoot the place up."

"I know how to shoot too," replied Eda.

"Yeah, but not as good as me," Revy retorted. "And you don't got a lot of other people here. So I say we give Dutch a call tell him we'll be here for a certain amount of time."

"Whatever you say, Two Hands," Eda replied dryly.


	3. Surprise Bonding

Rock called up Dutch, explained the bizarre situation he and Revy had gotten into with Eda.

"For real? Someone left a baby on the doorstep of the Rip-Off Church?" Dutch asked in disbelief.

"I know it sounds crazy," Rock replied. "Eda's gonna make some calls, find the kid a safe place."

"Think you'll need the Black Lagoon for transportation?" Dutch asked.

"Wouldn't be surprised," replied Rock. "Hopefully Eda finds someone soon. The note that came with the baby implied there could be some serious trouble. There was even five grand with the kid."

"Shit!" exclaimed Dutch. "Who's kid is this?"

"We don't know," replied Rock. "But, to leave that much with a newborn says the mother was scared for his life."

"Think anyone else knows he's there?" Dutch asked.

"No idea," sighed Rock.

"Sounds like y'all better get this kid out of Roanapur ASAP," said Dutch.

"Hopefully Eda will have someone who can take him," replied Rock.

Eda, meanwhile, was on another phone, trying to get ahold of any possible candidates to adopt their "special delivery." If she was lucky, she could get someone within the CIA to find a safe home for him. But, depending on who the child's father was, that could prove to be a dangerous move.

"Look, I don't know where he came from," Eda explained to a contact. "Someone, I'm assuming the mother, left him in a basket, with note saying he was in danger, and five grand in cash. Clearly someone doesn't want him to live. There must be somebody who wants a kid, and who won't ask a lot of questions. He sure as hell won't be safe in Roanapur."

* * *

During all this, Revy was stuck looking after the baby. She hated the idea of holding him, not believing she had any kind of maternal instincts, but Eda needed her hands free to make the necessary calls and Rock was still talking to Dutch. Lucky for her, the kid wasn't causing much of a fuss, just squirming some in her arms.

"Will you hold the fuck still, you little brat," she quietly exclaimed through gritted teeth. "This ain't exactly fun for me either!"

The baby started staring at her intently.

"What the fuck are you looking at?"

He thin smiled widely and let out a tiny laugh.

"Are you laughing at me, you little shit machine? Don't think you get away with that shit just because you're a baby!"

She pointed her index finger at him, in a gun-like fashion, but this didn't phase the kid in any way. Within seconds he grabbed her finger and laughed some more.

"Hey! Let go of my finger! Fuckin' let go!

Revy managed to get her finger free, feeling proud of herself. But once free, the kid began to cry.

"Cut that shit out! It's just a fuckin' finger! What's the big deal!?"

But still the kid wouldn't stop crying, so she gave into his crying.

"Aw shit! Fine! If it'll shut you up!"

As he held onto her finger, tightening his grip slightly, he gave Revy a slightly warmer smile than before.

"You think you're real fuckin' cute, don'tcha?"

She wasn't going to say it out loud, but she did indeed think the kid was cute. She also wasn't going to say out loud that she really hoped Eda would find him a safe place. Revy had very little faith in humanity after years of abuse, but she still had some sliver of hope that this could wouldn't end up in the same kind of shit hand she'd been dealt. He should at least get a chance to grow up.

"I ain't gonna let anything happen to you."

* * *

"Ok, we're in luck," Eda said after getting off the phone.

"Ya found a place for him?" Revy asked.

"Not a permanent home, if that's whatcha mean," replied Eda. "But, I found a place that can look out for him till one is found."

"Does it require a boat?" Rock chimed in. "Dutch said he can provide the transportation we need."

"As a matter of fact, a boat would probably be the safest way to go," replied Eda.

"Where do we gotta take him?" asked Revy.

"Nearest place by boat is probably Bangkok," Eda pointed out. "It's hopefully far away enough that we can avoid any real trouble. So we better get going as soon as possible. Once we get there, I'll inform my contact and they'll take the kid to his safe haven."

"And... you're sure we can trust this contact?" Revy asked with surprise worry in her voice.

"Yeah, Two Hands, we can trust this contact," Eda assured her. "I've known them close to a decade and they've never done any dirty dealings."

"Ok," Revy replies simply.

"We need to get ourselves to the Lagoon Company," said Rock. "Wish we had more than a basket to keep the baby in..."

"I might have something that could be useful," said Eda.

* * *

Eda produced a bullet proof vest and a military grade backpack from one of the storage room. Rock and Revy looked at her with some confusion.

"Are you fuckin' kidding me with that shit?" Revy asked.

"What? It's the best I could come up with on such short notice," said Eda. "We don't exactly keep a surplus of car seats and minivans lying around."

"I guess it's not too bad a substitute," said Rock. "We can wrap him in the blanket, so the vest won't be too uncomfortable. Plus, the backpack will be better than a basket if we need to run."

"See that, Two Hands? Romeo gets it," Eda chuckled. "Plus, I got a matching one for ya." She tossed him his own vest.

"Why me?" Rock asked.

"Cuz you'll be carrying him the most, duh," Eda pointed out. "Revy and I are the only two in this group that can fire a gun. We need our hands free, and you as safe as possible."

Eda slipped out of her Nun's habit, revealing she was indeed wearing her usual attire, that of a camouflage mini skirt and pink tube top. This caused Rock to blush slightly as he adjusted his vest and got the baby secured.

"I fuckin' knew you were bluffing when you claimed to be bare assed under there," chuckled Revy.

"Did you now?" Eda asked sarcastically. "Nervous I'd be revealing my amazing flesh to Romeo?"

"Like that outfit leaves much to the imagination," said Revy.

"You're one to talk," retorted Eda.

"The fuck does that mean?" Revy asked, seemingly oblivious to what she typically wore.

"We don't have time for this," Rock chimed in. "We got to to get the Lagoon Company, then Bangkok as soon as possible."

Revy and Eda didn't say anything back to Rock, they just finished gathering the necessary supplies.

* * *

As they were ready to head out, there was a knock at the door.

"Shit," exclaimed Revy. "I doubt that's anyone we wanna see right now!"

"Just stay calm, Two Hands," said Eda. "I'll see if I can persuade whoever it is to leave."

Eda opened the door slightly, making sure Rock, Revy, and the baby weren't in view. Standing there were two guys in suits and slicked back hair. Edga guessed they were Cosa Nostra.

"How may I be of assistance, gentlemen?" Eda asked as cordially as possible.

"We're looking for a package," one finally spoke. "We have reason to believe it was dropped off here today."

"I'm afraid you're mistaken," Eda replied. "We've had no deliveries today. Hope to see you again soon."

As Eda began closing the door, one of them stuck their foot in the way.

"Why dontcha just let us have a little look inside?" he asked menacingly. "It's real important that we find that package."

"I assure you, there's no new packages here," Eda replied with clear annoyance in her voice. "And I'm sure you're aware that this church doesn't take kindly to uninvited guests."

"And I'm sure you're aware that we work for some important people," he said with more menace in his voice. "People that don't take kindly to being lied to."

"Fuck this civility bullshit!" Revy shouted from inside.

She jumped over Eda, kicked the door fully open, and got both men with one head shot each while still in the air. The two dropped before they could even reach for their own guns.

"Not exactly subtle," Eda said in a deadpan tone.

"That conversation was going fuckin' nowhere," retorted Revy. "We knew what those greasy goombas were here for. They weren't leaving without the killing the kid, and I doubt they'd have let us live. Now let's get the fuck outta here, before their boss figures out they're not coming back, and sends more assholes after us!"

Eda couldn't really argue with that. So the three got in the car and headed to the Lagoon Trading Company.

* * *

Note: Sorry this took so long to get out! This year has been such a slog, been hard to feel motivated! I'm still working on the other stories, thank you for your patience and loyalty!


End file.
